Panic Attacks

Webster’s defines a panic attack as:

an episode of intense fear or apprehension that is of sudden onset

Hmmm… they are on the right track but for anyone who has ever had them they are far worse than the text book definition.

I recently have been having more panic attacks than I know what to do with. In the past I would have one here or there – intense but not too often.

They seem to strike at night, as I am trying to fall asleep or waking me up. Imagine waking up feeling as if someone is strangling you … you sit up and start to gasp. Your chest feels as if it is closing in and your heart starts to race. Now what?

While you think to yourself it is just a panic attack your mind will race and the fear of death takes hold. You get out of bed and try to walk around. Your breathing has increased rapidly as you gasp and you start to get light headed from the almost panting state you are in now. So, am I going to black out now? Who will find me? What about my kids?

You go into the bathroom and flip the light switch. There, I can see myself now … and sweat starts to bead up on your face and your scalp is getting damp. You place both hands on the vanity and look at yourself again … you TRY to talk yourself through it.

Eventually you overcome the attack. You are now afraid to breathe too deeply for fear of straining yourself and going into another attack. You walk slowly to your bed. Gently ease yourself into bed and lay down. You are still a bit dizzy but you focus on good and positive thoughts.

This process is horrifying! I am amazed that my body can be so brutal to me.

I am tired of the panic attacks. I wish it were easy to get rid of – but lately I just continually succumb to them.

I am their prisoner